Did you know that there are three kinds of marital sex? There's house sex, bedroom sex and hallway sex. House sex is common in new marriages, when everything is new and you have sex all over the house. Bedroom sex is common after a few years of marriage; the newness has worn off, and you just have sex in the bedroom. Hallway sex occurs after you've been married long enough to be really angry with each other. You pass in the hallway and say "%c* (a )$ you!" Four possible hurdles, and how to overcome them Let's look at four possible hurdles or obstacles, and what you can do to overcome them: Failure to ask for what you want and to tell your partner what you don't want "But I thought you liked that!" I've heard that statement many times in my office. It's as if we forget to talk to each other once we are horizontal. It's natural to touch our partner in the same way we would like to be touched. That's fine if it works. Many times, it just doesn't. What to do? Give yourself permission to say what you want and don't want. Better yet, ask your partner about his or her preferences. Forcing yourself to feel something you don't Did you know that the feeling of not being in the mood is a normal and natural experience? Trying to force yourself to be in the mood is like trying to force yourself to go to sleep. It usually results in the opposite of what you want. What to do? Relax, and simply enjoy each other's company. Just holding each other may be all you need. If the "not-in-the-mood" feeling becomes chronic and/or you suspect a medical problem, check with your doctor. Emotional leftovers Past hurts, discomfort with one's body, negative emotions about sex or past sexual abuse can all get in the way of enjoying sex. What to do? Talk about your discomfort. Whatever we don't talk out, we act out. Clear up unfinished issues with your mate, a trusted friend or a trained therapist. Remember that all bodies are capable of and deserve to experience pleasure. Getting stuck in sexual ruts Boredom can set in if sex becomes routine and predictable. What to do? Try something different. You might want to change location, position or pattern. Remember that sex is supposed to be fun; too many people seem to 1ose sight of that fact. |
