Country singer Jeff Bates sings about trying to reconnect with his wife in the song "Long Slow Kisses."

In the song, he turns around after leaving for work and comes back home because his wife had said she was lonely. One of the lyrics implies that they may talk all day or "maybe we won't talk at all...."

Sounds like a reasonable and perhaps even fun way to reconnect, doesn't it?

One way to not reconnect

Well, as I so often do, I learned a lot from a client this week who used that song as an example of what not to do.

Working with a couple in my office one day, the wife went on what could only be called a rant about the misleading messages in "Long Slow Kisses."

According to my client that song is not the way to reconnect with a woman.

One way to reconnect

After she got done with her rant, I asked her, since she was the only representative of the female gender in the room, what were some way to reconnect.

At first she said communication. Then she said no, communication could be just saying that the sky is blue.

She went on to say that the way to begin reconnecting is with conversation. One example she have would be if her husband were to simply say that he did not like it that they seemed so far apart.

Amazingly to him, she said this would be more effective than a day of lovemaking.

I think there is something for all of us to learn here.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com