Wes came home from school one day and I had done something he didnt agree with. Im sorry. Sorrys not good enough. I was dumbfounded. Yes, it is. No, I tell Mrs. Slayback Im sorry and she tells me its not good enough. It is good enough. When we do something wrong, we tell God sorry and He forgives us. You tell Mrs. Slayback the next time she says its not good enough that sorry is good enough for God; it is good enough for anyone. I dont remember what it was that I had done wrong to have to apologize and Im sure I didnt even ask why Wes was having to apologize at school, but I was dismayed that a teacher was having such a negative impact on my child, teaching him things I didnt agree with. When I was in teacher training, this was called the hidden curriculum: things we taught our students about how the world works through the microcosm of our classroom, sometimes without forethought, sometimes with forethought, Except today, the hidden curriculum that many Christian parents object to isnt so hidden. Evolution, sexual orientation, politics have all become common topics in Americas classrooms and as parents we need to be sure that we deal with these issues effectively. Communication
Obviously, open communication with our children is the best line of defense when something objectionable is taught at school. Being able to talk to our children about other viewpoints and share why we hold different points-of-view helps our children be critical thinkers. This means we need to be able to articulate why we believe what we do. When Wes asked me about evolution after a science class, I explained to him that evolution is a theory, a conclusion drawn by looking at evidence, but often theories are only partially correct or completely wrong. We talk about how it used to be a scientific theory that if someone had a disease of the blood, draining that persons blood would make him or her better. We now know that this theory was wrong and dangerous, which we then correlate to the theory of evolution. Humans are not all-knowing and we are learning as we go. But if we look for miracles, then we see them which is proof for us of God. Talking to our children about ideas presented in school, without morally dismissing the teacher, helps our children grow into thoughtful, articulate adults who can answer doubters. Contacting the Teacher
Communicating with the teacher is also an important step to solving the situation. When a teacher humiliates a child, we do not hesitate to take action. The same should be true if questionable subjects are being presented at school. But, tread lightly because teachers believe they have the best interests of your child at heart and if the material is part of the curriculum, the discussion may be difficult. As a ninth grade English teacher, part of the adopted curriculum was a unit of literature on tolerance in which we studied the Holocaust. We read Night, a disturbing look at life in the Nazi camps. The book is an important piece of Holocaust literature and our belief as a department was that by exposing students to this work, we were expanding their ideas of tolerance. I had many parents disagree with me. Most parents were angry and demanded I give their children alternative reading materials. Since the book was part of our adopted curriculum, I felt justified in telling them no, that they would have to take it up with the administration and district. They dug in and I dug in. Mrs. Barlow had a different tactic. I came to my meeting with her with all my guns drawn, ready for a battle. She came with a kind word and a gift. She started by telling me how much her son enjoyed me as a teacher and how much she appreciated all I was doing for her child and the children of the community. Then she handed me a book, The Hiding Place, a Holocaust story about a Christian family who hides Jewish families during this time in history. She wondered if there wasnt a more positive way to teach the students the same thing, or at least to give the Christian children and parents asking for alternative literature a choice. Would I read it? Of course, I melted. I agreed to read the book and think about the issue. She thanked me and left. I opened the book and found the inside inscribed with a note thanking me. I still have the book and I did rethink my approach to the curriculum. From that day forward, I began to listen to parents and their objections, even if couched in angry tones because of Mrs. Barlow. Making a teacher or curriculum wrong draws battle lines. Trying to understand the intent of the curriculum and then seeing if there isnt a compromise to be made not only allows the teacher to gracefully change his or her mind, it allows everyone to gain from the experience. Talk about a lesson in tolerance. District
A parents last resort is to approach the district administration or school board. Usually there are papers to be filed, meetings to be attended with administrators and, as has been seen recently by the plethora of court proceedings, things can become complicated. If you feel you are not being heard by the teacher or the curriculum is so offensive to your values that you want drastic changes in the presentation, then filling out this paperwork is your next step. Be prepared to be told that if you dont want your child exposed to public school curriculum because it is religiously offensive, to send your child to a private religious school. Dont be dissuaded. Continue to have the discussions with administrators and teachers and be ready to compromise. Remember your goal: to provide a positive curriculum for your child and others. Our friends son is in eighth grade and reading To Kill A Mockingbird. They have some objections to the book. Dad is upset because of the foul language. He believes that his son should not have to be exposed to language which is base and potentially upsetting to him. As an English teacher I gave all the arguments Im sure the teacher would give him: the language is an example of ignorance; the language is true to the period of the story; the language can be seen as a teachable moment. My friend wasnt convinced. He feels that a thirteen year old should not go to school and be faced with base language. Mom is upset because of the issue of rape in the book. She is reading the book and waiting for her son to ask questions about the scenes where rape is discussed. As a teacher, I had no arguments to support the teacher on this one. I know the book is a great piece of literature, which my friend admits, but know that as teachers we know very little about the maturity of our students and which issues are appropriate for their maturity levels. She feels, like her husband, that when her son is in school he should not be faced with such violent issues, especially at his age. Since their son is thirteen, they have allowed him to decide whether he wants to read the book or not, letting him know that if he becomes uncomfortable with the material, they will bring it up with his teacher. Being the mature, thoughtful son they raised, he has decided to give it a try, knowing the lines of communication are open and whatever he decides will be supported by his parents. They are on Chapter 3. When questionable ideas are presented in our childrens schools, we can see them as opportunities to strengthen our relationship with our children and to allow them to become critical thinkers, to bring our message of love and acceptance to the schools and to affect change in the schools which is positive for our children and all children. Remember that individuals within the school do have your childs best interest at heart although they may differ philosophically. It is important to remind these institutions that their job is to educate our children, not to indoctrinate them. |
