Unfortunately, even after that humiliating encounter in the library at age 23, I didnt decide finally that it was time for me do something about my lack of beauty, sexiness, and femininity until I was 35 years old, a full twelve years after my humiliation in the library. I didnt realize right away that I had to do something to help myself. I had been hurting myself by believing it didnt matter how unattractive I was.

Even that rude slap in the face in the library and much more humiliation with other men until I was 35 (when Neil, my unenthusiastic boyfriend of five years, left me) somehow didnt wake me up to the fact that my lack of beauty and sexy femininity was keeping me from the relationship success I so much wanted.

I had always thought that my best quality was my niceness, and that once I had forced myself on a man he would discount my obesity, lack of hair or clothing style, my acne, and my tomboyish ways. He would fall in love with my niceness, marry me, and wed start a family. Of course, I was totally wrong and this fantasy of mine never came true because, in part, none of those twenty men ever cared to get close enough to me to discover my niceness.

It took me so many years to learn that most men want to be the hunter, not the hunted. After much (negative) personal experience and a lot of reading, I finally realized I had to attract a Good Man to me, not stalk and ambush that man, which had been my approach.

As I look back on those sad, desperate years, particularly between ages 30 and 35, I cant believe how out of touch I was with the reality of men, especially to have bought into the untruth that only what was inside (my niceness) should be enough to find love and marriage with a good man.