Touch plays a very powerful part in the flirting game. If you get it right, a touch will advance your rapport with your date by leaps and bounds; time it wrongly and you've lost whatever chance you had. As you must touch eventually, it's vital to get it right! What you need to do is to learn exactly when you need to touch your date, and in what form that touch should take. You might decide to "accidentally" bump into the person in order to meet them; that a light brush of the upper arm is required, removing a cotton thread that may or may not be there; that taking your date's hand, and lightly stroking it is appropriate; or, perhaps, that no action at all is needed for now, because your date is not used to being touched! Perhaps you might decide on some other form of touching. You can usually tell by the body language of your date whether a touch would have the intended effect. If he/she is leaning in towards you, seems positively enthralled by your company, and is physically quite close to you, then chances are good that a touch would be welcome. At this time, any touching you do should be kept light, and you need to study the reaction. If you see your date suddenly tense up and start to look uncomfortable, you need to back off, slowly and gracefully, but without drawing undue attention to it. If your date seems to welcome the touch, then keep it going! Touching in a dating context provides feedback for your date; by touching him/her, you are implying that you think the date is going well, and that you fancy him/her. For this reason, and perhaps partly as a test of the man's confidence, the first touch is usually performed by the man. The woman will usually facilitate this when she is ready by positioning herself close to her date, but she probably won't want to appear too keen. However, there is no rule that says the first touch should always be initiated by men! For example, a woman who is quite keen on a man may "accidentally" brush up against him on his way to the toilet! Many people grew up in tactile families, and these enjoy being touched more; for these people, it is less important where the touch comes from. For them, a touch will have less power, simply because it is familiar; it is expected behaviour. Others grew up in non-tactile families, and these have to be comfortable with the person touching before they will even accept a touch. If you time it correctly and do not touch too soon, the touch performed on this type of person will have a much greater effect, simply because they are not used to it. Imagine sending a shiver down the spine of your date by touching him/her at the right moment! If you're a man on a typical dinner date, you would be well-advised to look out for this specific sign from the woman you're with. These are situations where she is keen on you, and demonstrates this by laying one of her arms across the table, so that her hand is on "your" side of it. Her arm and hand then remain quite still. If this happens, you need to take action and touch her hand, if you want to advance the flirting game! Don't think about it too much; just do it. If you're a woman on a typical dinner date, and don't want to seem too eager, you'll want to position one of your arms as I have outlined above. Along with good eye contact, a slight smile, and perhaps even a lick of your lips, these are excellent signs to send that you're ready to crank the flirting up a notch! |
